


Searching For Daddy

by stony1998



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Daddy Kink, Daddy Steve, F/M, Grant Ward mentioned - Freeform, High-School, Just turned 18, Little Bucky, M/M, Not Happy, Pilot Steve, Please read the notes!, Steve/Bucky are endgame, long journey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:24:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stony1998/pseuds/stony1998
Summary: The day after his 18th birthday Bucky decides to create a tumblr to help him on his search to find a Daddy.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> This story has clear, explicit, mentions of the daddy kink. Bucky is only 18 while Steve is in his early 30's. The main focus of this story will be the journey of Bucky and Steve, but the following pairs or mentioned and dealt with for a small fraction of the story: Steve/Sharon, Steve/Coulson, Steve/Sam, Steve/Tony, Steve/Peggy, Bucky/Rumlow. Despite the multitude of pairings, Steve/Bucky is the main pairing and the journey will end with them (together or not I can't reveal). The characters portrayed do not represent Marvel in any way, they are my own take on their personalities and characteristics. Please enjoy!

        Bucky's eighteenth birthday came as nothing short of a miracle. He had been waiting for this day for years. No, it wasn't 21, a grown adult, but for now it would do, for now it would be enough. Yes, he could stand being 18 for the next year.

        The day passed like any other birthday he had experienced. His mother made dinner, a few of his close friends came over, and he acted surprised when she came out with an ice-cream cake like every other year for as long as he can remember. That isn't to say he didn't enjoy it. He was happy to know he was loved by his mother and friends. But, if he was honest, he just wanted the day to pass. What he was really looking forward to was the day after.

        Bucky had decided a few months ago that the day following his 18th birthday he would begin something he's wanted for years. It sounds odd, the phrasing. But, Bucky wants a daddy. He realized long ago how taboo that was to most people. Many viewed it as pedophilia. In his mind it was everything and anything but. So he tried his best to disregard the opinions of others, except for Natasha of course.

        He had realized almost two years ago that he was interested in finding a daddy. Then he had been under-aged. He is nothing of the sort now. So, the day following his 18th birthday he creates a tumblr account under the url _searchingfordaddy_ and he begins his search.

        The first few accounts he follows aren't actually daddies. They're just accounts he finds interesting, mostly run by littles like himself. And then, little be little he begins his search for a daddy. Many have accounts but are taken, and that's just fine. Others have accounts that are covered in porn and porn alone. He makes a point of blocking those now rather than later. Then there are the extremely hard to find single, seemingly good, daddies that he finds attractive at all.

         "No, no. Hell no," Bucky murmurs as he goes through different accounts. "Jesus this is going to be harder than I figured..."

          If he's honest, he didn't think this would be easy. It seems every daddy that is single is looking for a little girl. It's hard to find anyone looking for a little boy. That might be why he's so shocked to find an incredibly good looking man, an incredibly good looking daddy, looking for a little boy. The moment he sees him he knows he wants him. More importantly, he wants the man to want him. He's blonde and has stunning blue eyes. His smile is perfect, and make his eyes crinkle at the edges just slightly. he's wearing a uniform, and when Bucky looks at his url he can understand why.

 _Pilotbyday_ \- He's a pilot by the name of Steve. He seems too good to be true. From his bio Bucky finds he's 33, a bit old for Bucky but he can't say he minds. He looks younger than he actually is anyway. He's a pilot for American Airlines. Looking through his account Bucky only becomes more enthralled. He's got some porn reblogged, which is fine considering its both gay and straight porn. But most importantly he has other, "normal", posts. He isn't simply looking for sex based on his account. It's something Bucky has rarely found.

         He clicks follow without much hesitation. What he does hesitate on is whether or not he wants to contact this Steve. He does. It's not going to be easy to find another daddy like this one. But he knew he was making an assumption. The man could be fake like so many others. He decides to take the risk.

         He opens the messenger and stares at the box for what feels like hours. He takes a deep breath, knowing he was putting himself out there, risking his pride as well as a bigger portion of his self esteem than he cared to recognize. 

         "Hi there, how's the life of a pilot?" He types and then stares at the idiotic sentence before hitting send.

          It seems like years have passed before he receives a reply. By this time, he's beyond paranoid and regrets ever having the balls to send the message in the first place. But then, blessedly, he receives a reply.  

         "Lots of traveling, not a lot of stay at home time. But it's nice enough. I'm Steve by the way, whats your name?"

          Bucky feels giddy, but he realizes he has to play it cool. "James, but you can call me Bucky. How long have you been a pilot?"

         "Since I was 24, about the same time I created this account actually. It's hard to keep in touch with anyone, especially relationship wise. Figured this was a good way to try having a relationship." 

         Bucky isn't sure what to say to that. He knows he doesn't want to stop the conversation. Luckily, Steve doesn't offer him a chance. 

         "Not that I don't find it endearing or anything, but you can cut the shit kid. If you think I'm hot, come out and say it."

         Bucky stares at the message with a light blush dusting his cheeks. "Am I that easy to read?"

         "Sorry to tell you, but yes. How old are you anyway kid?"

         "Just turned 18 yesterday." Bucky types, a small smile playing on his lips. "Does that bother you?"

         "As long as you're legal." Steve replies simply. "Happy belated by the way. Get everything you want?"

         Bucky laughs at his own stupidity, but types out what comes to his mind anyway. "Not yet. Maybe you'd be willing to give me what I really want?"

         Steve doesn't text back for a few moments and Bucky starts getting nervous again. He feels like he can't breathe until, finally, he gets a message. 

         "And what would that be baby?"

         Bucky feels a shiver go down his spine at the pet-name. No one has ever called him that. It makes him want more, want everything.

         "I think you know what I want." 

         "I want you to tell me. What do you want?"

          Bucky hesitates to type this. This really opens him up to judgment, to hurt. "A daddy."

          "A daddy? Just any daddy?"

          Bucky smiles, not feeling so nervous anymore. "Maybe a specific daddy. Do you think he'd be willing?"

          "Well baby, you are gorgeous. Any daddy would be happy to have you."

           Now Bucky's excited, spurred on. "Really? Even a really handsome daddy like you?"

        "Definitely. Any daddy, any smart daddy, would cherish a little prince like you."

         Bucky can't help but groan. Little prince? That's a new one. Well technically any pet name is. But this one is uncommon, special, and really, really sexy. 

         It seems Steve can almost read minds, because moments later Bucky receives another message. "Do you like it when I call you that? Little prince? Or would you prefer something else? Baby boy, little darling, little soldier?"

         "Anything." Bucky types, faster than he could even think. "Call me anything you want."

         "Really now?" Steve replies, just as quickly. "Oh really? Maybe you want to be called my little slut? My naughty boy?"

         Jesus Christ, if Bucky's cock isn't straining against his zipper now! He moans softly and he rubs his palm over it for some slight relief. He's already starry eyed for this Steve. "Yea, maybe I do. Would you like that?"

        It takes Steve a few minutes to answer. Bucky only just refrains from freeing his cock and getting himself off.

       "Damn punk, you sure you've never had a daddy?"

       Bucky laughs at that. "Very sure. Just been wanting one for awhile."

       "That's really cute baby boy. You're real sweet. I could just eat you up."

       "Well next time you're around Brooklyn you should do that daddy ;)" 

       "Fuck, you are a tease, naughty boy. You're going to get a spanking too if you don't watch out."

       "Fuck." Bucky murmurs, closing his eyes and rocking up, into his palm. He types back, "Maybe thats what I want."

       "That sounds like something I can deliver baby boy."

        Bucky is about to type back but another message appears.

        "Hey, it's pretty late in Brooklyn isn't it?"

        Bucky's cheeks tinge pink as he glances at the clock. It's already one in the morning. "...a little late." 

        "And on a school night baby? You should get some sleep, don't you think?"

         Bucky sighs, knowing its the truth. Plus he has to deal with the hard on straining in his jeans. "I guess you're right. Will I speak with you again soon?"

        "I'll be around kiddo. Goodnight, sweet dreams."

          Bucky smiles happily. "Goodnight, sweet dreams." He closes his laptop with a happy sigh. "Steve." The name sounds so plain but he just adores it. He shucks off his jeans and lays down on his bed to deal with his little problem.

          "Goodnight Steve, sweet dreams.


	2. Unvieling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is Steve really like? What does he want? What is in his nature?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you love Steve as an innocent bystander I'm sorry in advance...

Upon waking the next morning, Bucky goes straight to his phone, opening the tumblr app. Already he’s smiling at the thought of Steve.

                “Good morning Steve, hope you slept well. Woke up thinking of you ❤ xoxo.”

                He sends the message with little to no hesitation. He’s sure Steve will appreciate the good morning message. After last night he’s betting Steve will be more than happy to hear from him. At least he’s hoping, anyway. He’s hoping Steve is as infatuated with him as he is with Steve.

                In Italy, Steve has been awake for hours. He doesn’t have to be ready to fly for a few more hours, but he’s always found it hard to change his original sleep schedule. He has his phone beside him when he hears an alert.

                He opens the message with one eyebrow raised. He sighs slightly after its read. The kid, Bucky, is cute. He’s got these big brown eyes and full cheeks that make Steve want to pepper him with kisses. His hair is short, but long enough to grab or pull. There’s nothing wrong with his looks, nothing at all. No, the problem with Bucky is he’s young. Young enough to believe that Steve is in love with him.

                He decides to let the kid wait for a while, choosing instead to text back a few others he had yet to reply to.

                Sharon Carter is first on the list. She’s an adorable woman. She’s incredibly sweet and kind. But Sharon is a lot like Bucky. She thinks she’s special. She could be, if Steve was being truthful. She could be perfect. That’s exactly why he tries his best not to get caught up in… well, in anything.

                “Good morning sweetie, hope you slept well ❤.”

                A few moments later she texts back. “Good morning, I slept well, thank you love. When will I see you again? I miss you!”  
                Steve smiles slightly. It had been a while since he saw her. Other…things… had kept him occupied. “Soon baby, I promise.”

                “Alright darling. I’m your baby girl, right?”

                And this would be why Steve has to distance himself. Sharon would do anything to make herself feel special. “Of course you’re my baby girl. I’ve got to go now, have a wonderful day and I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

                “Okay ☹ See you soon hopefully.”

                Steve sighs, relaxed. Sometimes she’s more demanding. She often wants to know what he’s doing, why he has to go so soon, when he’s coming to see her. It seems she’s having a good morning.

                With that done he texts Coulson. Coulson is vastly different from Sharon. Whereas Sharon believes she’s the most special person in Steve’s life; the only person he thinks about or talks to, Coulson knows about the others. Steve’s got nothing to hide from Coulson. Still, Coulson does feel he’s the most special but, somehow, it’s easier. It’s so much easier to treat him like he _is_ the only one.

                “Good morning precious. How’d my favorite sleep?”  
                It takes a few moments, but Coulson texts back and Steve smiles.

                “Good morning Steve. I slept well, thank you for asking. Going through the rounds?”

                Coulson has never been one to shy away from the fact that Steve has other… relationships. (He uses the term loosely because in truth they are not relationships. They’re just people he speaks to.) Still, he enjoys making Coulson feel special. He knows Coulson secretly loves it, perhaps even craves it.

                “You know me well baby. But you know I love you more than the others.”  
                “Is that the truth?”  
                “Sure it is baby, you’re my number one, right?”  
                “Yea, I’m your number one Steve.”

                “And don’t you forget it baby! Now, I’ve got to finish up the rounds. I’ll talk to you soon.”

                “Alright Stevie, talk to you soon.”

                The next person on the list is Sam. Steve opens up a message and stares at it blankly. Sam is a friend. Truly, if Steve ever had one of those “friends with benefits”, that’s what Sam would be classified as. He doesn’t often include him in the rounds, but this morning he has an itching to. He’ll be around town soon, so he might as well het what’s coming to him now.

                “Hey Sam, how’s life treating you?”

                “Who’s this???”

                He receives the reply within moments and can’t help but laugh. Sam finds it amusing to tease Steve because he never really contacts him unless he’s coming to town and knows he’ll will want to have some fun with Sam.

                “It’s Steve, asshole.” Steve is quick to respond.

                “I only know one Steve and I haven’t heard from him in years. Big shot pilot, you know.”

                “It’s only been 4 months, don’t exaggerate Sam.”

                “You wound me Steve, I am not exaggerating, its felt like years!”

                Steve laughs to himself and shakes his head. “Whatever you say soldier. I’m coming to Brooklyn soon. You feeling some action?”  
                “When am I not captain? When are you coming around?”

                “Two days, not long at all, I’ll text you when I’m in. Same place as usual?”

                “Sure thing, see you then.”

                They leave it at that. Out of everyone Same is the least complicated. There are no true romantic feelings. No complications. When they’re both single, they fuck. Simple as that. No strings attached.

                The last on the list is a man known as Tony Stark. Out of everyone he is certainly the most complicated in Steve’s life. Steve is quite honestly head over heels in love with the man. Only… he isn’t sure Tony feels the same way at all.

                “Good morning gorgeous, hope you slept well.”

                Steve sends the message, knowing full well what would likely happen. Sure enough, he has time to eat breakfast and fix himself up before he gets a reply.

                “Morning. Didn’t sleep much. You?”  
                Steve stares at the text. It’s odd how much emotion can be displayed in a simple text. Or in this case, lack of emotion. The first time Steve had ever gotten in contact with Tony it was so different. There was emotion, passion. It was part of the reason Steve fell so hard. He’d never felt so passionately about someone since… a long, long time.

                “I slept well, thanks for asking. I miss you a lot. When will I see you again?”

                Still, it takes a few minutes for Tony to respond. Steve tries to tell himself it’s his own fault. He must have caught the engineer at a bad time.

                “Idk Steve, coming to LA any time soon?”  
                “LA?”

                “Um, yea, Los Angeles. Transferred over.”

                Steve very rarely gets to Los Angeles. It’s normally not in his area. Steve gets a sick feeling in his stomach. Did Tony… did he do this on purpose?

                “I’m not sure when I’ll be over there. I guess I could take some vacation time?”

                “Idk Steve, you know how I am. Work, work, work. Doesn’t make sense for you to come this way if I’ll be working, right?”  
                Steve sighs. It’s always the same excuse with Tony. He’s always working on something. “Alright I understand.”

                “I knew you would. I gtg now, have a good day.”

                “You too Tony, love you.”

                He doesn’t get another message. He waits for one. For an “I love you too” or even a simple “ily2”. He waits ten minutes before he accepts it isn’t coming. Tony has never, not once, said that to him. Not in that sense anyway. But he has heard “I love the way you fuck me” or “Fuck, please, do it again, I love it when you…” It’s not the same but Steve tries to be happy with what he’s given.

                Steve figures it’s time to text Bucky back. He contemplates just ignoring him, but he realizes he doesn’t actually want to. He knows it’s wrong, it’s terrible, it’ll break the kids heart. But he wants to have his fun.

                “Good morning Buck, I slept well, thanks for asking. How’d you sleep?”

                While Steve does want to have his fun, he doesn’t actually _want_ to hurt Bucky. He’s going to try his hardest to get what he wants with as little damage done as possible.

                “I slept like a baby, thanks to you. I always sleep well after I get off ;)"

                 Steve smirks slightly. The kid is bold. He enjoys boldness. It's different. It's easier. Maybe he'll get what he wants sooner rather than later. 

                 "Aw baby, you should've told me! Maybe next time I can help out?"

                  If he's honest, Steve is surprised by the boy. A kid like Bucky could probably get anyone. From his pictures Steve can tell he's definitely hot, and he's got this mysterious aura that makes him even more appealing. His smile is bright and genuine, even in a simple picture. And, from what Steve's seen of his personality he's a sweet guy. So Steve finds it odd that he'd go after a man online and not one near him.

                  "Fuck, you can't do that, I've got to go to school."

                  Steve can't help but laugh. He remembers being a teenager. Anything could get him hard. He imagines Bucky is the same way. "Sorry baby boy. Better wear something loose." He can just picture the boys frustration. He laughs to himself, almost wishing he could see it in person, imagines teasing the kid until he was desperate and pleading. He very quickly and deliberately steers away from that line of thought. The last thing he needs is Dum-Dum, his copilot, teasing him about how horny he is.

                  "I hope you know I despise you."

                  Steve cant help but feel a bit bad. After what he'll probably do to the boy that statement won't be so far fetched. Before he can reply he's got another message.

                  "I've got to go to school (with a hard on thanks to you) I'll talk to you later?"

                  "Alright kid, have a good day."

                  Steve puts down his phone with a slight frown. He wishes he were a better person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. "Steve would never" "That's not in his nature" This story is my own, with different portrayals of characters, some of which you might not agree with. I apologize if this isn't what you expected, and I hope that you enjoy it anyway!


	3. Love Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is acting rather giddy walking to school with his best friend, and she wants to know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexting and a good amount of angst, you have been warned!

“Bucky darling, Nat’s waiting.”

                Bucky grabs his backpack as he’s stuffing his feet into a pair of Converse sneakers. He tucks his phone into his back pocket and opens his bedroom door, and then goes down the hall into the kitchen. His mother is there in a smart grey pantsuit.

                “Is everything alright James?”  
                Bucky glances at his mom with a raised eyebrow. She never calls him James, not unless she’s angry or concerned. “Yea mom, I’m fine.” He smiles, kisses her cheek and gives her a hug. “Just woke up later than planned, I’m sorry.”

                It seems to calm her down. She smiles and hands him a thermos of coffee and a banana. “It’s alright, just wanted to check in. I don’t get to speak to you much these days.”

                “Bucky Barnes I swear to God I’m going to punch you in the gut if I have to wait another minute!”

                Bucky looks at his mom sheepishly. “I’m going to go before Nat kills me.”

                “Alright sweetheart. I’ll be working late again today. I’ll leave – “

                “Don’t leave me anything Ma. _I’ll_ leave you a plate of dinner in the microwave. Just take out the chicken, alright?”

                Mrs. Barnes smiles. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

                Bucky just smiles. “It’s the other way around mom. I’ll see you later.”

                With that he rushes out of the front door. Natasha is waiting with her arms folded. “What took you so long?”

                “Sorry.” Bucky says as he puts the thermos of coffee in the pocket on the side of his bookbag, and the banana in the front pocket. She just shakes her head as they begin to walk. The entire time Bucky feels like he’s walking on a cloud. He’s practically skipping.

                “Are you high?” Natasha asks suspiciously, looking at Bucky with narrowed eyes. “I thought we agreed that would be the first and last time.”

                Bucky laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not high! And if I was you would’ve known the moment you saw me.”

                “True.” Natasha says with a hum. “I would’ve been able to tell if you were drunk too… Why the fuck are you so eccentric?”

                Bucky laughs again. “What a guy can’t be happy?”

                Natasha rolls her eyes. “I’m not even going to validate that with an answer.”

                Bucky shrugs, still smiling. “Suit yourself.”

                They walk in silence for another block.

                “Bucky Barnes did you get laid?” Natasha asks with a slight arch in her eyebrow. Immediately Bucky starts laughing.

                “You didn’t tell me you jerk! You have to tell me everything, how was it!? It wasn’t that asshole Pierce right?”

                At that Bucky rolls his eyes, even if he does continue to smile. “First of all, I didn’t get laid. Secondly, if I had it wouldn’t have been that fucker.”  
                Natasha shakes her head. “I believe the second part but not the first.”

                Bucky chuckles. “You have such great faith in my abilities to be fucked.”

                Natasha rolls her eyes. “Whatever Barnes. Just know I’m going to find out eventually. And by eventually, I mean in an hour or less.”

                Bucky shrugs. “Good luck, because no one knows.”

                “Rule one, you might think no one knows but someone always knows.” She replies with a smirk.

                “I thought rule number one was always deny everything.”

                “Don’t be an asshole, that’s a different set of rules.”

                Bucky laughs and throws up his hands. “Gee wiz, my mistake!”

                Nat rolls her eyes. “Don’t say that, you sound like you’re from a different decade.” She smiles slightly. “So, what’s the deal Bucky? What’s going on?”

                Bucky smiles nervously. “Well… you remember what I told you a few weeks back?”

                “About how you’d fuck the shit out of Mr. Lehnsherr?” Natasha asks blandly.

                Bucky turns red. “Okay, a drunken statement should not be repeated.”

                Natasha laughs at that. “Oh no, drunken statements are the most honest and you know it.” She smiles good naturedly. “But come on, spill. You know I won’t judge you for it.”

                He sighs and stuffs his hands in his pocket. “Alright fine. I was referring to when I told you about the whole daddy thing.”

                Natasha’s face remains passive. “And I told you I could have guessed. So, what, you found one?”

                Bucky shrugs. “It’s not official.” He can’t help but smile as he goes on. “But he’s absolutely amazing. He’s beautiful, and kind. He’s a pilot, isn’t that amazing?”

                Natasha raises an eyebrow. “A pilot? How old is he?”

                Bucky glances at Nat. “Thirty-three…” He replies, trying to be nonchalant about the age difference.

                Unfortunately for him, Nat pauses in her walk. They are only a block for the school now.

                “Did I hear you correctly?” Nat asks, her arms crossed over her chest. “Thirty-three?”

                “Yes. But, I mean, age is just a number, right?”

                “And jail is just a room Bucky.”

                Bucky rolls his eyes. “I’m eighteen. I’m of age.” He starts to walk again and Nat follows behind. “He doesn’t even look thirty-three.”  
                “But… Bucky he is. And where’d you meet him anyway?”

                Bucky is quiet for a few moments and then sighs. “Tumblr.”

                “And you trust him? Come on Bucky, you’re not an idiot.”

                Bucky whirls around. His eyes are narrowed and his hands are clenched in fists. “You can’t just let me be happy? Steve’s a nice guy, he wouldn’t treat me like shit like all the other guys I’ve dated. He’d actually care about me.”

                They’re just outside of school grounds. They both are avoided, Bucky known for his quick temper and Nat for her icy glares.

                “How do you even know that? You don’t know anything about this guy.” Bucky opens his mouth to reply but Natasha holds up her hand. “I’m not trying to make you angry. I’m just saying you should watch out for yourself.”

                Bucky shakes his head and begins to walk away. “Go make Clint not angry then.” He calls over his shoulder. Natasha watches him leave and sighs softly. _“I hope you know what you’re doing Bucky Barnes.’_

******************************************************************

                Throughout the day, Bucky sends Steve a series of texts. It starts when he’s bored out of his mind in second period English.

                -Hi, how’s your morning going?

                He receives no reply. He assumes it’s because Steve is getting ready for work. During fifth period life skills he decides to try again.

                -Thinking of you at school, hope everything is good

                He chalks up the lack of reply to the fact that Steve is probably just getting out of the door. He tries again seventh period, when he is in study hall.

                -Miss talking to you, hope to hear from you soon

                He can’t justify Steve’s lack of answer now. He’s gotten jittery, his leg bouncing nervously. He sees Natasha eyeing him and forces himself to sit still. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and stares at his phone and the row of unanswered text messages. Bucky tries to find some sort of reason for Steve. For all he knows Steve simply left his phone in his coat pocket, or room, or bag, or any number of places. Or maybe he’s busy at work. Just thinking about it makes Bucky want to throw his phone at the wall. He’s probably bothering Steve.

                He tries to get that out of his head. He tries not to believe that Steve is simple ignoring him. That, maybe, Steve decided he didn’t want anything to do with Bucky.

                “Bucky breathe.”

                Bucky feels a hand on his shoulder. He realizes how tense he’s gotten and slowly relaxes his hand, afraid he’ll crush his phone. He looks behind him and sees Natasha standing there with a slight frown.

                “Is everything alright?” She asks softly, glancing at his phone and then back at him.

                Bucky nods, not trusting his voice. Natasha plainly doesn’t believe him but doesn’t say anything. She simply stands there until Bucky’s muscles loosen and he can see clearly, no black or red in his vision.

                “Thanks.” Bucky says softly. Natasha nods. The bell rings and everyone begins to shuffle out of the classroom. Natasha is about the leave when Bucky takes her hand. “Nat-“

                “You don’t have to say it Bucky. It’s fine.”

                “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. You… you just got me thinking about stuff I didn’t want to acknowledge.”

                “It’s fine Bucky. I understand. I just want you to be safe, as long as you are I’m fine.” Nat squeezes his hand. “Now come on, we’ll be late for math.”

                “Doesn’t really matter if I am or not, I’ll still probably fail.” Bucky says with a small smirk. School isn’t really his strong suit.

                “Shut up Barnes, you’ll pass if you really work at it.” Natasha says as they both head out of the room. She had no problems with school. In fact, she only took the classes she had with Bucky to help him out.

                Bucky laughs lightly. He glances at his phone. Natasha clears her throat and looks at him pointedly. He gives her a small smile and pockets his phone. He doesn’t look at it for the remainder of the school day. Even if he had, there would be no message.

***************************************************************

                Steve knows that the kid must feel nervous. He probably feels like Steve is ignoring him or that he’s annoying Steve. It’s sort of the truth. Bucky has texted him three times. Steve figured he’d have stopped after the first. Each time the phone buzzed Steve was surprised by the kids gall. But at the same time, it makes Steve nervous himself. If Bucky acted like this now, what about a week from now?

                He doesn’t actually want to date the kid. He doesn’t want to date anyone. He wants the adrenaline rush, he wants to feel good and make others feel good. He doesn’t do the whole, ‘I love you and always will’ thing. He used to have this saying, he’d heard it said once and carried it into his life for a long time. ‘I’m with you ‘til the end of the line’. It had meant a lot to him. He doesn’t say it anymore.

                Call him what you will, but in the end Steve lets Bucky suffer for a while. He hopes it’ll show the kid that Steve isn’t looking for a relationship. So, he goes to work. He smiles at the flight attendants as they go around, making sure all the guests are situated. He speaks with a joyful, playful little voice as he addresses said guests over the intercom. He chats with Dum Dum, lets the man steer the conversation however he likes. When they touch down in France he makes sure the plane is taken care of, checks in with his superiors, and there, finally, heads to the hotel.

He checks his phone in the taxi, making sure Bucky hadn’t texted him again. It’s been almost four hours since the last text. Steve has an odd feeling in his chest. He ignores it.

                -Hey kid, sorry I didn’t reply, I’ve been flying all day

                He imagines Bucky running to his phone as he hears the alert, reading the message and chewing at his lip, filled with guilt, believing he had bothered Steve.

                Sure enough, -I’m sorry for bothering you!

                Steve smiles lightly. He feels bad, using the kid’s naïve nature to his advantage. He knows he shouldn’t. He ignores the feeling of guilt boiling inside of him.

                -Aw don’t worry about it little prince. You’re not a bother at all

                It had been a long, tiring day. Steve just wanted to relax, to unwind. He figured Bucky would be a good call. If not… he had others that would be willing.

                -Are you sure?

                -Of course baby, I might not always be around but you’ll never be a bother to me

                He’s getting tired of reassuring the kid. He doesn’t let him answer before sending another text. -How was your day baby? Daddy missed you

                He’s finally at the hotel. He checks in, happy that the clerk speaks English and he doesn’t have to use his rusty high school French. He’s put in a small room, but he doesn’t care. He’ll be here for two days and then he’ll be back home. It’s better than a lot of the shitty apartments and hotel rooms he’s lodged in.

                He puts his luggage in a corner, sheds his jacket and cap and puts his uniform aside to be dry-cleaned, takes off his shoes and puts them beside his luggage to shine later. The he flops on his bed, in nothing but his briefs and a plain undershirt. He checks his phone and finds a message from Bucky.

                -My day was okay Daddy, how was yours?

                Steve smiles lightly, knowing how easy it will be to get exactly what he wants. -It would have been better if I had my little prince with me. Daddy would have loved to have some fun.

                -Are you busy now Daddy?

                -No sweetheart, are you?

                Steve’s hand travels down his briefs to his cock. He’s not hard yet. But it never takes much for him. He fondles himself as he waits for the next text.

                -No, I’m in the house alone for a few more hours

                Steve thanks whatever god is up there. -How about we have some fun baby boy?

                -What do you have in mind daddy?

                Steve’s semi-hard now. He pulls down his briefs to his thighs and holds his cock in one hand. With the other he snaps a picture. -How about we both release some tension?

                -Fuck daddy! You’re huge!

                Steve smirks. -I’m not even fully hard yet baby. How about you show me how beautiful you are down there?

                Steve strokes himself at a leisure pace while he waits for the kid to reply. By the time he does, Steve is fully hard.

                Bucky’s cock is actually pretty gorgeous by Steve’s standards. He’s a little shorter than Steve, but has a wider girth. The head is a beautiful pink, like Bucky’s lips. The kid looks pretty hard already, and there seems to be a bit of wetness on the tip. -Am I pretty daddy?

                Steve’s taken back by what he sees. It gets him harder, and he can’t help but moan lightly. -Damn baby boy, you’re gorgeous! So perfect. Send me a picture of that pretty mouth?

                Steve gets up and rummages through his bag for his lube. He finds it just as he gets another text. Bucky’s pretty little mouth is closed around two of his fingers. Steve curses lowly at the implication.

                -You’ve got the prettiest mouth around precious. What are you going to do with those fingers?

                -Whatever you want daddy

                Steve has a lubed up hand on his cock now, stroking himself just a bit faster than before. -What if I wanted you to fuck yourself with those fingers? Jerk yourself off and imagine it was my cock fucking you. Would you do that for me?

                -Fuck yes daddy, want you to fuck me so hard

                -You touching yourself baby? Daddy is touching himself, thinking about you

                -I’m touching myself daddy, it feels so good. Wish it was you.

                -Pretend it is me baby. Wish you were here so I could shove my cock down your throat, make you stretch those pretty little lips wide.

                -Fuck daddy, you’re going to make me come

                Steve knew the feeling. His hips were rising to meet his fist now. He couldn’t help but moan. -Then come for me little prince. I want to see how pretty you look covered with it

                A few minutes later Steve receives a picture. The boy had finished, come was all over his hand, his stomach. Another picture came in. The boy, two come covered fingers in his mouth, cheeks hallowed.

                Steve was gone. He came with a loud groan, hips lifting off of the bed. He let himself breathe for a few moments then grabbed his phone, snapping a picture. -Baby, you made Daddy make a mess

                -Hopefully next time I can be there to clean it all up daddy

                “Fuck.” Steve says softly. He stares at the ceiling for a few moments. He hasn’t come this hard in months. Probably not since the last time he was with Tony. He picks up his phone at that thought. -Baby I’ve got to go. Thanks for the fun time- He sends the message, ignoring the fact that the kid will likely be upset over it. He doesn’t get a reply.

****************************************************************

                Bucky stares at the message. He feels used, angry, dirty. ‘Thanks for the fun time.’ Makes it sound like Steve just needed someone to get off with. Or to. Does Steve even care whether or not he had a good time?

                He picks up his phone, trying to tell himself the tears are from anger. He dials Natasha, holding the phone to his ear, waiting to hear the voice that might break him but will surely be there to piece him back together.

                “What’s wrong?” Natasha says, her voice concerned but tinged with anger.

                Bucky clears his throat, blinking away more tears. “I…”

                “I’ll be there in five.” Nat says softly.

                He stares blankly at his hand, just moments ago covered in his own come. He looks away, feeling ashamed. He sits back and waits. He tries not to think about how used he feels.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you liking the story so far! Comments are forever appreciated darlings! You may like to go back and check out the notes in the first chapter, I added some in that will pertain to the remainder of the story.


	4. Once Upon A Time in Brooklyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's past is anything but a fairy tale.

Steve sits on his bed, his back against the headboard, his phone in hand. It’s been a whole day since he spoke to the kid. He hadn’t bothered to send him a text yesterday, and he’s only received one simple good morning text. So he’d stuffed his phone in his pocket and concentrated on flying. Flying home to be specific. It’d been awhile. Almost two months since the last time he was in Brooklyn. It felt good to be home. To be in his own bedroom with his own pictures, his own dishes. Everything in this apartment was his. It felt good to be reminded he had a home.

                 He dials Tony’s number. He doesn’t truly realize what he is doing until he’s on the seventh number. He finishes because he knows it’s too late. He knows if he stops now he’ll regret it all day.

               “You’ve reached billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist Tony Stark. I’d tell you to leave a message but I probably won’t get back to you either way.”

                Steve sighed softly and hung up. He dialed again, knowing Tony wasn’t going to pick up but desperate to hear the man’s voice no matter how robotic. He put his phone down on the nightstand and lays down on his back, staring at the ceiling. Tony was increasingly distant and extremely cold. He seemed to avoid speaking to Steve at all costs.

                “Maybe he doesn’t care.” Steve whispered to the empty apartment. “Maybe I’m just being a fool.”

                 His phone rings and he’s at it like a moth to a flame. He picks it up, a huge smile on his face. “Tony! It’s so wonderful to hear-“

                 He hears a feminine laugh on the other end and his smile falls. “Steve, don’t you check to see who’s calling you? It’s Sharon!”

                 Steve feels a sharp pang of annoyance in his chest. “Sharon! Sorry, wasn’t expecting a call from you.”

                “Well that’s exactly why I called! We haven’t seen each other in ages! When will you be in England again?”

                 Steve just manages to suppress a sigh. He knows he’ll be in England in two weeks. “Soon baby, I-“

                “You promise.” Sharon finishes with a sigh. “You said that last time.”

                 Steve massages the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be in England in just two weeks sweetheart.”

                “Oh really? That’s fantastic! Why didn’t you say so? You were planning to see me, weren’t you?”

                 No. “Of course sweetie. Planning to take you out to that nice fancy little restaurant you love so much.”

                “Oh I can’t wait! Maybe we can go dancing this time around!”

                “Darling you know how I feel about dancing.” Steve responded, trying to keep the annoyance and anger from his voice. “No dancing.”

                Sharon sighed heavily. “Oh fine! You’d be wonderful at it though. Watch, we’ll try it one day!”

                Steve rolled his eyes. “I don’t think so.” He said blandly. “Sweetheart, I’ve got to go now. I-“

                “Already Steve? It’s only been a few minutes! We haven’t spoken in ages!”

                “I know baby. But I really have to. In two weeks we’ll be together, don’t worry.”

                Sharon sighs again and Steve can just imagine her pouting. “Alright, fine. Have a good day.”

                “You too princess. Talk to you soon.”

                With that Steve hangs up the phone and sits up. He’s more than a bit annoyed. This was supposed to be a vacation, albeit a short one. Still, he hates that his day’s been spoiled. Nevertheless, he isn’t going to mope at home all day.

                He gets up out of bed and changes into jeans and a button down. He fixes his hair halfheartedly and then he’s out the door. He stops by a little florist. It brings back memories he really would rather forget. But, he purchases a small bouquet of lilies and then makes his way to a cemetery.

                Its been awhile since he’s visited the grave, but he still walks through like he comes every day. He stops in front of the grave and just stares at it for a while. It’s in relatively good condition, despite the fact that its been here since Steve was thirteen. He stoops, puts the lilies on the tombstone and then stands back, hands in his pockets.

                “Hey mom.” He says softly, a little smile on his face. “Sorry I haven’t been around. You know how busy I like to be.”

                He’s quiet for a few moments, feeling the rage in him disperse. “I miss you. A lot. I wish you were here. Maybe… maybe if you were here I wouldn’t be like this. Maybe I’d make you proud.”

                “Hey captain.”

                Steve doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s there. “Hey Sam.”

                Sam comes up and stands beside him, staring at the tombstone, knowing Steve doesn’t want eyes on him right now. “Figured I’d find you here.”

                Steve shrugs slightly. “Figured I’d visit while in town. You been taking care of her?”

                “Of course I have.” Sam says, glancing at Steve. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

                Steve forces himself to meet Sam’s gaze with a smile. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

                “No problem.” Sam says with a shrug. “So, why don’t we go over to The Commando’s and we can catch up?”

                Steve’s smile is genuine now. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

*****************************************************************************************

                “Sounds like a fun time.: Sam says, taking a swig of his beer. “Gunna make something of it?”

                Steve rolls his eyes. “Probably not. He’s just some fun like the others.”

                Sam raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything word about it. “So… I know you probably haven’t heard but I figure you might want to know…”

                Steve raises an eyebrow now. “About what?”

                “Well… Daniel and Peggy are married.”

                Steve’s grip tightens on the bottle so much so that it almost shatters. He takes a deep breath and nods, not trusting himself to speak.

                “She wanted to have you there, but she couldn’t reach you. And, well, I figured… It was in front of a judge, nothing big.”

                 Steve’s hardly paying attention anymore. He’s thinking of Peggy. He’s thinking of Peggy. He’s thinking of his proposal and her refusal. Of his leaving, running away from the pain he felt when she said she wanted to focus on her career.

                 After Peggy he gave up on love. That is, he wanted to. Tony had changed that. Tony had given him hope. He was destroying that hope now. He wishes he’d stuck to the idea that love is hopeless and only brings on pain.

                 Now, relationships aren’t about love. They’re about getting whatever pleasure he can, as fast and as easily as he can get it. They’re about having control at all times. If he’s in full control he won’t get hurt. That’s what he tries to tell himself.

                He comes out of his thoughts to Sam watching him with a slight frown. “You back cap?”

                Steve nods slightly. “I’m good.”

                Sam looks at Steve with disbelief but doesn’t say anything about it. “If you say so.” He stands. “I’ve got to get going. You around tomorrow?”

               “Three more days.” Steve replies, standing and throwing a bill on the counter. “I’ll see you before I leave.”

               “We’ll see stranger.” Sam says with a smile.

               Steve smiles back, and the pair goes their separate ways. Steve goes home to his empty apartment and tries not to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now you know his past! I am in no way condoning his actions but his past is quite sad! What do y'all think?


	5. Little Does He Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learn a bit about Bucky's backstory and learn about Nat's plan.

                He sends a message and is replied to two days later. He tries to tell himself that it’s just inconvenient for Steve to use the app. He gives Steve his phone number. The replies don’t come any faster.

                Bucky knows he’s becoming attached. He also knows that it isn’t such a grand ides. Steve is distant, he doesn’t seem to care. But Bucky still tries to tell himself that it’s okay. That Steve is just busy. Still, he can’t help but have a sinking feeling in his stomach every time he thinks of Steve or opens his phone to another ignored text. But he’s just met Steve. He can’t expect the man to feel any sort of obligation toward him. He’s hurting nevertheless. So, he does the most logical thing he could do. He does to Natasha.

                They’re in his room when he just can’t take it anymore. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he’s overjoyed. And when he takes it out its only Clint, asking if Nat is with him. He almost throws his phone in frustration.

                “Well what did Steve do to deserve that?” Natasha asked, eyebrows raised.

                “Nothing.” Bucky snaps angrily. Natasha looks at him, unimpressed. Bucky sighs. “Sorry. I’m just feeling… I don’t even know I don’t even know what I’m feeling.”

                “He do something?”

                 Bucky shakes his head. “That’s sort of the problem. I just… it’s stupid.”

                 “You’re feeling unwanted.” Natasha guessed.

                 Bucky nods, his chest feels tight and he blinks rapidly, trying to keep the tears from his eyes. “It’s just… you know after… After I found out that my mom was inseminated its been hard. I… I feel like I shouldn’t be here. I want a Dad. I want a guy to look up to, to protect me and teach me right and wrong. That just… it sounds so perverse.”

                 “It’s understandable Bucky. I think deep down everyone wants that. And you’ve just projected that onto this “Daddy” thing. You want someone to be there for you.”

                 Bucky nodded. “But, like, at the same time I’m… scared. Like, I’ve never really had a guy in my life. What if I’m not like other guys. What if – “

                “What’s the point in worrying yourself over “what if’s”? What is it going to do besides give you a ton of anxiety?”

                 Bucky sighed and the two were quiet for a few moments. “What if I never am loved… like my mom.”

                 Natasha shakes her head and stands, going to sit beside Bucky on the bed. She takes his hand and holds it between her own. “James you’re an amazing guy. Just because you don’t have a dad doesn’t mean you’re anything less than an amazing person. You can’t let something as irrelevant as that get in your way. You’re a better person than half of the men I know. You not having a dad doesn’t mean you’ll never find love. And your mom being inseminated doesn’t mean she wasn’t loved. Just means she decided not to have a kid with a man she knew personally. And you know what? I’m so glad she did what she did. Because I wouldn’t have such an amazing guy in my life otherwise. And as for this whole Steve thing, you have to remember he’s probably a busy guy. His sleep schedule’s probably a fucking mess from flying. He’s probably juggling trying to have a life and having such a demanding job. While I don’t like that he seems to ignore you so much, he probably does have a good reason for it.”

                  Bucky nods, using his shirt sleeve to wipe the tears from his eyes. “You’re right.”

                 “Always am, remember?” Natasha says with a smirk, patting Bucky’s hand and then pulling away, standing and going to sit at his computer chair. “Feel better?”

                  Bucky’s quiet for a few moments. He takes a deep breath and nods slightly. “I guess so.”

                  Natasha frowns. “That’s not what I want to hear.”

                  Bucky tries to smile, but he knows it fails. “It’s just… Steve. I don’t want to fall so in love with him only to crash and burn.” Natasha’s mouth is set in a grim line. Bucky knows that look. It means she’s come up with a plan she’s not too sure about. “Tell me.” Bucky says, knowing she’ll understand.

                  Natasha frowns but relents. “If you think he’s a fake, that he’s not what you think he is, why don’t we try tricking him and find out?”

                 “What do you mean?”

                 “I’ll create a fake tumblr, pretending to be a little. He doesn’t know what I look like. I’ll flirt with him and see if he bites. If he does, we know the truth.” Bucky’s quiet. He doesn’t want to think about how much it will hurt if Steve does bite. “Bucky, we don’t have to. It was just a suggestion. You – “

                 “No. No, let’s do it.” Bucky says. “It’s the only way to find out the truth.”

                  Natasha sighs. “Bucky… he might bite. We don’t know. Think of how it’ll feel. Are you sure?”

                  Bucky nods, even though he feels like his heart might break already. “I need to know Nat.”

                  Natasha nods. “Alright Bucky. Whatever you want.”

                 “I don’t think it’s what I want. But it’s what I need.”

                 “Bucky…”

                 “Natasha, I can’t do this. You know how my past relationships have panned out. I’ve never felt like this before. With anyone.”

                  Nat smiles. “Wow thanks.”

                  Bucky rolls his eyes. “We both know that neither of us saw the relationship going anywhere.” He says with a small grin. “We’re better off as friends.”

                  “I don’t know, you’re sort of dull.”

                  Bucky actually laughs at that. “Shut up.” His smile falters “I can’t fall in love with him and get hurt again. I can’t go through that again.”

                 “Bucky, Grant – “

                 “Grant had a persona he hid from me. I didn’t see it until it was too late. That can’t happen again.”

                 “He was a dick okay. Don’t base men in your life off of him. He was an extreme, a monster.”

                 “And I have to make sure Steve isn’t the same. If he’s going to just break my heart I need to know.”

                  Natasha’s quiet. Then she nods. “Fine. But what are you going to do if he is?”

                 “Simple. Cut him off. Become a hermit and never think of love again.”

                 Natasha smiles slightly and rolls her eyes. “Yea, alright.”

                 Bucky smiles slightly. “I’m just going to cut off all ties with him. If he’s a dick I don’t need him in my life.”

                “Damn right. He doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.”

                “Bucky stays quiet at that and Natasha sighs. “James Buchannan Barnes, you are a treasure. Don’t let the dicks in life bring you down.”

                That night, after Natasha leaves, Bucky lays on his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He thinks about everything that Natasha has said. He thinks about his confused feelings, his want of love.

                He feels wrong for doing it, because he never prays, but he prays that Steve doesn’t turn out like Grant. He prays that maybe, somehow, Steve’s the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'll be able to update again on Saturday but I'll try my best, sorry guys! Hope you all enjoy this early chapter!


	6. And... Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Putting Natasha's plan into action.

                The next evening Natasha and Bucky are in very much the same situation. This time, Nat has her laptop opened on Bucky’s desk and Bucky is shifting nervously on the bed.

                “You know you can still back out of this.” Natasha says as she opens tumblr. “I won’t think any less of you.”

                “I’d think less of myself.” Bucky replies. He stands and goes to hover behind Natasha. “We’ve got to do this.”

                Nat sighs and nods. “Alright. You text him, let’s see if he’ll answer.”

                Bucky does as he’s told, sending a simple ‘hi’ over to Steve. Natasha, meanwhile, signs up. “Alright, it’s done.”

                “Good. So what should my url be?”

                Bucky laughs. “I don’t know! It’s not that serious.”

                Natasha purses her lips and then types in, ‘naughtynat’. Before Bucky can even react she turns to him with a glare. “Don’t you dare.”

                Bucky throws up his hands with a little smirk. “I didn’t say anything.”

                Natasha rolls her eyes. “You were thinking.”

                Bucky laughs but doesn’t respond. He checks his phone. “No reply.” He says, trying not to sound overly disappointed.

                Natasha makes a small noise. “His url?”

                “Pilotbyday, no dashes.” Bucky says instantly. He’s had it memorized for quite a while. “You think he’s just busy?”

                Natasha sighs. “I’m not sure Bucky. But we’re going to find out.”

                Bucky nods slightly and watches as Natasha finds Steve’s blog and follows him, opening up a chat. She’s reblogged a few posts and even posted some of her own to make thins less inconspicuous.

                “So what should I say?”

                “You know better than I do Nat, you’re practically a spy.”

                Natasha smirks. “You’re right.” She thinks for a few minutes before typing. -Hi, you’re absolutely gorgeous. What’s it like being a pilot?- She hits send and then sits back and looks at Bucky. “You okay?”

                Bucky nods. “Just anxious I guess.”

                “Everything is going to be alright.” Nat says with a smile. “So what if he’s cute. He’s probably not good enough for you anyway.”

                Bucky laughs and leans down to squeeze him in a backwards hug. “You’re amazing.”

                Nat squeezes his arm and smiles. “Trust me, I know.”

                Before either can say another word there’s a pinging sound and they both look over to the laptop. There’s a reply to her message.

                -Thank you, you’re pretty gorgeous yourself. Being a pilot is a lot of fun, can get a little boring.-

                Natasha looks over at Bucky and he looks down at his phone. He’s gotten no reply.

                “So he doesn’t care.” Bucky says softly. “He’s ignoring me.”

                “Maybe he’s by his laptop, not his phone?” Natasha supplies, although she’s doubtful. “Let’s just see how this plays out.” Bucky nods. -Boring? You get to travel all around the world, that’s anything but boring. You must get to meet all types of people.-

                -You’re right about that, it’s pretty swell. Get to be with all types of beautiful people. Speaking of, where are you from?-

                Natasha hums lightly. -Brooklyn. You coming around anytime soon?-

                -Ain’t that a shame! I just left Brooklyn last night! We would’ve had so much fun together.-

                Bucky can feel the anger boiling inside of him. He has to take a deep breath to calm himself. “He’s disgusting.”

                “No offense Bucky, but he’s just a guy.” She purses her lips. “Let me see what else I can get out of him.” -That could’ve been fun! That’s too bad. Could’ve bought some extra fun along. My friends would have had no problems tagging along.-

                “What the fuck Nat?” Bucky asks angrily. “My pride’s already shot, thanks.”

                “I’m trying to see if he has others Buck, calm down.”

                -I have some friends that would’ve loved that too. Maybe next time I’m in town.-

                “So he’s just using me.” Bucky snaps. “What a pig.”

                Before Natasha can respond there’s another message. -You busy baby?-

                -No, not at all. Are you?-

                Bucky all but throws his phone. “That asshole!”

                -No, I’m not. How about you give me a call? My phone number is 555-115-2537.-

                “He never ever gave me his phone number!” Bucky rants. “You didn’t even try!”

                -Okay, my phone number is 555-273-1959, call you soon!-

                Natasha takes her phone and hands it to Bucky. “This is your call to make.”

                “I don’t want to speak to him.”

                “Then don’t. But make sure he knows you know.”

                Bucky stares at the computer screen for a few moments before nodding, taking the phone and dialing the number. Natasha is watching him with a slight frown. Bucky doesn’t even know if Steve will recognize his voice. They’ve had fleeting phone conversations and he’s left Steve a few voice messages. But at this point he wouldn’t be surprised if Steve couldn’t even remember his name.

                “Hey baby, what are you up to?”

                The moment he hears the voice it feels like a dam’s broken and he doesn’t know if he wants to cry or scream. “Fuck you, you asshole.” He says, voice strained from anger and hurt.

                Steve’s quiet for a few moments. “…Bucky?”

                Bucky’s surprised Steve even recognized his voice. He can’t say any more before the line goes dead. Bucky moves the phone away from his ear and Natasha takes it gently out of his hand. Bucky’s staring blankly at the space in front of him.

                “Bucky?” Natasha says gently. “You alright?”

                He breaks. His shoulders shake as he sobs, his head falls forward into his hands. Natasha moves and pulls him into a hug and he allows it, pulling her close and crying into her shoulder. If he were in a better state he’d feel embarrassed, but now he needs the comfort, the reassurance that he’s not alone. He needs to know that he’s loved by someone.

                “I’m going to end up just like her.” He said softly, pulling away from Natasha. “I’m never going to find anyone.”

                “Bucky-“

                “Don’t Natasha.” He cuts her off. “Just…don’t.”

                Natasha shut her mouth and looked at Bucky with sad, pitying eyes. “Alright.” She stood, putting her laptop in her bag. “Call me if you need anything.”

                Bucky stepped aside and let her leave, knowing he wouldn’t contact her. What he needed she couldn’t provide. He was scared no one would ever provide it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for my baby Bucky. More than half way through guys, what do you think will happen? (P.S. I LOVE STEVE TOO AND I SWEAR THINGS WONT STAY HORRIBLE... MAYBE)


	7. That's Why I Can't Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is caught. Now what is he going to do?

                “Fuck.” Steve speaks out loud. This was unexpected and it was certainly very bad. Very, very, extremely bad. This has never happened before. No one has ever been this intuitive. This Natasha was unfortunately very smart. Steve felt like shit.

                He pulls out his phone and dials Sam’s umber on instinct. He’s not sure why, but he needs guidance and advice right now. It shouldn’t be this important, but Steve needs to figure out how to fix this… if there’s a way to fix this.

                “Hey Steve, didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.” Sam says, sounding surprised and just a tad worried. “Everything alright?”

                Steve holds the phone to his ear with one hand and the other massages his temple, trying to soothe himself. “I think I messed up?” He says, the statement sounding more like a question than anything.

                “What’d you do this time around?” Sam asks in a playful voice. “Tell Sharon she’s your favorite?”

                 “I got caught Sam.” Steve says, no humor in his voice.

                Sam is quiet for a few minutes. Steve’s nerves kick up another notch. “By who?”

                Steve sighs. “The new boy. The kid.”

                Sam goes quiet again. And then he starts laughing. Sam’s laugh penetrates Steve’s thoughts and Steve can’t help but be angered. “I called you for advice. Not for a comedy hour.” He says coldly.

                “Hey, don’t get mad at me.” Sam says, still laughing. “This is your own fault.”

                Steve’s anger boils over faster than he would have liked. “You know, you’re one of the only people – maybe the only person – I trust. I need some help right now and you’re being an asshole. I don’t know why but I really need to fix this, okay? This kid didn’t deserve what I did to him. So instead of fucking laughing can you tell me what to do?”

                Sam is quiet for a few moments. Steve takes several deep breaths to cool himself down. “You good there Cap?” Sam asks, his voice only slightly concerned.

                “Yea.” Steve says softly. “I’m sorry. I just… I fucked up really bad Sam.”

                “Look, Steve, I’m not going to tell you it’s okay because lets be honest, it isn’t. You probably hurt the kid pretty bad.”

                Steve is quiet. He knew Sam wouldn’t sugarcoat a thing. Deep in his mind he wanted him to. He wanted to hear that it was okay, that it didn’t matter. That the kid probably wasn’t taking it that hard. Everything he wanted to hear was a lie. “How do you do it Sam?”

                “How do I do what?”

                “How do you go from fling to fling without ever hurting anyone… or yourself.”

                “Oh that? That’s simple.” Sam says, and Steve can hear the smile on his lips, although it’s tainted with sadness. “Unlike you Steve, I never get attached. You fall in love hard and quick. And you try to convince yourself that you don’t feel anything. But in the end, I know and you know that you feel everything. You were never meant to have a heart of stone Steve.”

                “But I don’t care about this kid. He’s just a kid.”

                “You do care about Bucky, and we both know it. That’s why you’ve been trying to avoid him. You’re afraid.”

                “What’s there to be afraid of?” Steve asks, knowing deep down that Sam is right, that he knows what he’s feeling, and why he feels this way.

                “You’re afraid of falling so deep you won’t be able to get out. You’re afraid you won’t be in control anymore. You’re afraid you’ll love him and lose him. Like Peggy.”

                “This kid is nothing like Peggy.”

                “But he could be.” Sam says, before Steve can say more. “And that terrifies you.”

                Steve shakes his head and sighs, but doesn’t try to argue. He knows it’s the truth. “How do I fix this?”

                “To be honest Steve, I’m not sure you can. Just try reaching out to him. Let him know this isn’t his fault.”

                “And if that doesn’t work?”

                Sam sighs. “Then save him the heartache.”

                Steve already knows he doesn’t want it to come to that. “Alright, thank you Sam, I appreciate it.”

                “Sure thing Cap. Hope everything goes over well.”

                “Same here.” Steve says with a frown. “Talk to you soon.”

                After he hangs us, Steve stares at himself in the mirror. He’s messed up pretty badly. He knows he cares, even though he told himself not to, even though he tries to avoid it. Bucky’s made himself a piece of Steve’s puzzle of a life. And to take away that piece would be to make the puzzle incomplete. Steve’s already got more than enough pieces missing to make the puzzle look like a child got to it.

                He picks up his phone and texts Bucky. – We need to talk. –

After waiting several minutes, he tries again.

– I need to explain myself. –

                - Bucky please. –

                - Let me fix this. –

                - I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never meant for this to happen. Please answer me. –

                After half an hour Bucky still hasn’t replied. Steve takes a chance and calls. After the fourth ring Bucky picks up.

                “Bucky-“

                “I hate you. I wish I had never met you. You’re nothing but a dirty player.”

                Steve lets the words settle in. He understands what he has to do. It pains him but he speaks anyway. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I was never really fond of you, never really liked you all that much. You were just some fun for the moment. I didn’t want you to fall for me. I never planned it.” Steve blinks away the tears in his eyes. “Sorry you had to go through this kid. But better now than later, huh?”

                Steve can almost feel the weight of the words crushing Bucky. It was cruel, but necessary. Pushing Bucky away was the best thing to do, for both of them.

                “Okay.” Bucky says. Steve tries to tell himself that it doesn’t sound like Bucky is crying, that he’s just imagining the tremor I the boy’s voice. “Goodbye Steve.”

                He hangs up without another word. Steve feels like he’s lost Peggy all over again. He can only imagine how Bucky must feel. He knows the kid is suffering. At least he’s not alone in the pain. Although, it still feels that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a gift to those still reading. Thank you for sticking with the story. I will be posting another, brief chapter in a little bit!


	8. Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve accepts the truth.

          Steve feels sick to his stomach. He feels like he was just stabbed in the chest, that he can’t breathe because, God, his chest in aching. He knows what will happen if he calls Sam. Sam is going to tell him the truth, not what Steve wants to hear at the moment. Right now he wants to hear that everything’s okay. He wants to hear that he’s being irrational. That no, he’s not going to end up alone.

          He calls without stopping to think. He needs to hear his voice, just for a moment. Just to know that he’s not as alone as he feels.

          The moment the ringing stops, someone picks up, he’s talking. “Tony! I’m sorry, I know you’re probably busy. I just… I really need to talk right now. You have no idea-”

          “I’m sorry, this is Pepper Potts. I’m Tony’s… I work for Tony.” A female voice cuts in, although she’s gentle and her voice is almost apologetic. “Is there something I can help you with Mr…?”

          “Y-yes. I-I, um, need to speak with Tony. Tell him it’s Steve. Steve Rogers.”

          “One moment.”

          The woman, Pepper, must pull away the phone, cup her hand over it. But Steve can still hear everything, only slightly muffled.

          “It’s a guy, Steve?” Pepper says. “Sounds upset.”

          “I’m not here. Tell him I’m in a meeting, I’m in Iceland, I’m on the moon. I don’t care. Just tell him.” Tony says. His voice sounds even more muffled than Pepper’s, like he’s trying to whisper.

          “You’re a terrible person Tony.” Pepper responds disapprovingly. Steve is trying to tell himself he heard wrong, that Tony would never be so terrible. He hears Pepper sigh. “Hello, Mr. Rogers?”

          Steve swallows a lump in his throat. “I’m here.” He says softly. He clears his throat. “Is… is Tony around?”

          Pepper is quiet for a few moments. Steve lets himself think that Tony is just cleaning up, that she’s just waiting for him to be available. “I’m sorry, but Tony isn’t available right now.”

          Steve can’t force himself to speak. He knows if he tries his voice will crack right along with the dam holding back his tears.

          “Mr. Rogers? Are you still there?”

           Steve swallows, blinks away the tears. “I’m here ma’am. Thank you for your help.”

           “Tony is busy right now. He’ll call you once he’s free.”

            Steve tries to pretend he doesn’t hear what sounds like arguing on the other side. “Alright, thank you ma’am.”

            He hangs up the phone and stares at the mirror for the second time that day. His eyes are red, he has dark bags beneath them. His hair is still in perfect condition, and it just seems so wrong, so out of place. If it weren’t for his eyes he might pretend that he’s okay, at least on the outside. On the inside he knows he’s breaking.

            He lets himself cry. He lets the tears flow because maybe then it wouldn’t feel like he can’t hold himself together. Maybe if he cries enough the strain in his chest will melt away. It doesn’t seem to work.

            When the phone rings he’s still crying. He can’t seem to stop, even if he does want to. He takes the phone, and picks up, knows that his voice seems nasally from the tears. “Hello?”

            “Steve.”

            It’s Tony. He sounds so indifferent. Steve’s tears only increase. “Tony, I –“

           “What do you need Steve? I’m busy.”

           And that’s when it hits him. Or, when he finally accepts the truth. Tony Stark doesn’t care about him at all. He isn’t anything to Tony. And this pain in his chest? That’s probably exactly how Bucky feels. And Steve can’t do anything to fix it. He feels sick to his stomach, thinking about how much pain he’s caused. How much pain he will cause to Phil and Sharon. He doesn’t want to think about what he has to do.

          “Steve? If you’re not going to –“

          “You don’t care about me.” Steve says softly.

           Tony sighs. “Steve –“

           “I thought you loved me.” Steve says, fighting to keep his voice from cracking.

            Tony laughs lightly, mockingly. “Come on Steve, what made you think that I loved you?” Steve tries to come up with an answer but Tony continues. “Those nights I let you fuck me and then left the room? The displays of affection I never gave or returned? The ‘I love you’s never said? I never loved you and never tried to make it seem like I did. You did that to yourself buddy. You were just another fuck to me.”

           It’s true when they say the truth hurts. Steve thought that if he finally heard the truth from Tony’s mouth he’d get over this. It isn’t the case. His heart breaks, and he can’t put together words. He’s aware he’s crying, in the recesses of his mind. He’s aware he should say something. He can’t.

           Steve hears Tony sigh again. He hears him say goodbye, and good luck. He realizes that this is the last time he’ll hear Tony’s voice. He knows he should say something. He tries, but nothing comes out. Tony hangs up and Steve still has the phone pressed to his ear.

           He sits like that for a few minutes. He sits, holding the phone to his ear and wishing someone was on the other side to soothe him. He wishes it was Bucky, so that they could soothe one another. So that he could make things right.

          Steve brings the phone away from his ear and goes through his contacts. He stops at Bucky and then continues onward. This is the time to change. The time to make thing right. He stops at Phil. Maybe his life doesn’t have to be this way after all. He dials.


	9. Happy Birthday To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 years later, Bucky turns 21 and goes out to the bar with some friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains NSFW content between Bucky and Brock Rumlow. Please read the notes at the end for more details. If you would like to skip the NSFW portions, I am putting START and FINISH as the beginning and end of the portion (which is most of the chapter). The ending notes will explain what is vital to the story. Thank you!

               “Happy birthday to you!” Clint finishes, placing a tall glass of alcohol in front of Bucky.

                Natasha hides her smile behind her own drink. “Real grown up of you Clint. Why don’t you get the whole bar to join in next time?”

                “How about we go back to our drinks.” Brock Rumlow suggests with an eye roll.

                Bucky laughs. “Alright, alright, let’s not get too rowdy. Thank you guys. I... I really appreciate it.” He sighs softly, taking his drink. “This is my first birthday without ma, I think she would’ve been happy to know I have such great friends.”

                “Oh god, he’s a sentimental drunk.” Rumlow teases. “Come on buddy, pal, how’s about another rousing speech?”

                Clint breaks out in laughter, and Bucky’s voice raises in mock protest.

*************************************************************************

                Steve walks into The Howling Commandos alone, and hears the endings of happy birthday. He smiles slightly, hearing joy in the small song. He makes his way over to the bar, ordering a beer, and then looks over in the direction of the birthday get together. He can’t see anyone other than a blonde-haired boy, who’s attention is focused on someone next to him, blocked by the bar.

                His beer comes and he takes a small sip, trying to see whose birthday celebration it is. He’s just about to give up when he hears a familiar voice. The blonde boy moves and he sees fiery red hair and the top of a lithe body. Almost like… he only catches a glimpse but the moment he sees his eyes he knows who it is. He raises his hand and orders a stronger drink.

**************************************************************************

                “Oh my god.”

                Natasha sighs and turns to Bucky. “Yup.”

                “Is that – “

                “Mmhm.”

                Bucky looks down and away with a from. “I haven’t…”

                “Hey Clint, Rumlow, the pool table’s open. Winner gets – “

                “A kiss, perfect, come on Brock!” Clint says hurriedly, taking Rumlow’s arm and pulling him towards the table.

                When they’ve begun to play, Nat turns to Bucky. “Do you want to leave?”

                Bucky shakes his head after a few moments. “No. It’s just… I…”

                “You’ve pushed it away. You never wanted to remember what happened. I know the feeling. You weren’t prepared for this.”

                Bucky nods. “It just brought everything back. Just a glimpse of him and I could hardly breathe.” He stands suddenly.

                “Bucky, are you sure you want to do this?”

                “I have to.”

                Nat nods and then goes over to the pool table. Bucky takes a deep breath and makes his way around the bar. When he sees Steve, he remembers why he fell so hard before. The man is as gorgeous as ever, but now he sports a neat beard. He glances up and sees Bucky, and his eyes go wide.

                “Steve?”

                Steve looks away with a frown. “Hello Bucky.”

                Bucky smiles slightly. “Surprised you remember me.”

                Steve doesn’t respond, downing his drink and raising his hand for another.

                Bucky frowns slightly. “Steve, I… Do you think we could get together sometime? I just…I need to get some things off of my chest.”

                “Bucky I don’t think –“

                “I think if I can just talk this out, just get some closure, I won’t feel like this anymore. I can move on, forget about what happened.”

                Steve bows his head, looking at his drink as he speaks. “Alright Bucky. I’m here for a few more days.”

                “Tomorrow at 2. At the little diner across from Valhalla?”

                “I’ll be there.” Steve says softly.

                “Steve I just want you to know…” Bucky clears his throat. “Tomorrow I guess. See you Steve.”

                “Goodbye Bucky.”

***************************************************************************

                “Who was that man you were talking to?”

                Rumlow glances at Bucky, who frowns slightly and look out of the window. The pair had decided to share a cab home, considering they lived so close to each other. Clint and Nat had gone their separate ways, Nat hugging Bucky tight enough that tears formed in his eyes. He hugged her just as tightly.

                “An old friend.” Bucky replies.

                “More than a friend apparently.” Rumlow says with a sigh. “Too bad.”

                “What do you mean?” Bucky asks, looking at him.

                Rumlow laughs. “Don’t play dumb Bucky. You know what I’d like to do to you.”

                Bucky looks away again, his long hair brushing his eyes. “Who’s to say I don’t want the same thing?”

                The pair goes quiet again, sitting in silence for the rest of the ride. When the cab stops, Brock pays and then pulls Bucky out of the car by his hand. Bucky goes willingly to his apartment building.

_ **START** _

                When Rumlow pushes him against the wall as they’re traveling up the stairs he moans softly, grabbing at Rumlow’s jacket and squeezing his eyes shut. Rumlow growls lowly, shoving Bucky’s arms off of him and slamming them against the wall. Bucky arches into him and all too soon Rumlow is pulling away, continuing up the stairs as if nothing had happened. Bucky takes a deep breath before following.

                He doesn’t know if he wants this. As Rumlow opens the door, Bucky jitters nervously behind him. He just wants to forget. He wants to wipe away the feeling of being unloved, unwanted. He can’t help but remember those last few words with Steve. All he can remember is the feeling of unworthiness, worthlessness, he’s felt since then, never having serious relationships, never feeling like someone wanted him for something other than his body.

                He’s pulled into the apartment and then slammed into the door. He closes his eyes the moment he feels lips on his own. He moans into Rumlow’s mouth when there’s a leg pushed between his own. He grinds down, moaning again.

                Rumlow pulls his mouth away from Bucky’s and goes to his neck. Bucky can fell his smirk against his skin and he swallows.

                “You want me to fuck you Bucky?” Bucky whines softly, panting slightly and Brock licks at his Adam’s apple and then brings his hand up to Bucky’s neck and squeezes. “Want me to make you scream? Let the neighbors know how much of a slut you are, hmm?”

                “Fuck, Brock –“

                “Call me sir, you know that’s what I want.”

                Bucky moans softly. “Fuck me sir, make me your slut.”

                “By the time I get in the room you better be stripped and on the bed on all fours.” Rumlow growls, applying more pressure to Bucky’s neck in warning and then letting go.

                Bucky all but runs to the bedroom and strips. He’s already aching and hard, his cock hangs heavy between his legs. He gets on the bed, going on all fours as he had been instructed. Rumlow comes in moments later.

                “Good boy Bucky.” He praises, a smirk evident in his voice. He goes over and travels his hand up Bucky’s back, grabbing a fist full of hair and forcing his head up. Bucky gasps, opening his mouth to admit Rumlow’s fingers. He gags when Rumlow presses his fingers to the back of his tongue.

                “Get them nice and wet Bucky, wouldn’t want to hurt yourself.”

                Bucky sucks on the fingers until Rumlow pulls them away, dripping wet. Saliva drips down his chin and precum drips from his dick. Rumlow walks around and presses the two soaked fingers to Bucky’s hole. Bucky gasps and then moans when Brock forces the fingers into him.

                “Mmm, tighter than I would have thought, considering how much of a fucking slut you are.” Bucky gasps at a particularly rough thrust, his head and shoulders falling to the bed beneath him. “You want my cock, slut? You’re going to have to beg for it, tell me how much you want it.”

                “Brock, sir, please. Fuck me, I want your cock so bad sir, please give it to me!”

                Brock pulls his fingers away and Bucky whines pathetically. A moment later there’s cold lube falling on his hole and before he can even complain, Brock is pushing into him and he can’t keep in the loud moan that bubbles up from his throat.

                “Such a fucking whore for it, aren’t you Bucky?” Rumlow asks, voice strained. “Pretending I’m your little boyfriend?”

                Bucky feels tears come to his eyes and he buries his face in the sheets beneath him. He doesn’t want to think about Steve, about how worthless he is. He pushes back into Rumlow’s thrusts, trying to forget what Steve forced him to remember.

                Brock groans lowly and leans over to grab Bucky’s hair, forcing his head back. “I told you everyone would hear you slut. You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

                Bucky whines loudly, his back arching almost uncomfortably and his dick pulsing precum at the rough treatment. “Fuck, sir, please!”

                “Please what slut, tell me what you need.” Rumlow orders, thrusts coming faster and rougher.

                “I’m going to cum, shit, make me cum!”

                “Going to cum on my cock, dirty whore? Going to scream for me?”

                “Fuck yes, please touch me sir, please, I want to cum on your cock.”

                “Such a dirty mouth Bucky, wonder where you picked it up from.” Rumlow teases, hand going to Bucky’s dick and pumping in time with his thrusts. It doesn’t take long for Bucky to tense and all but scream his please, cum staining the sheets beneath him. He goes limp under Rumlow, who lets go of Bucky’s hair and wipes his hand on the sheets beside him. He then takes Bucky’s hips in his hands and continues to thrust into him, losing his rhythm quickly and spilling into Bucky with a soft moan.

                Rumlow leans his weight on Bucky, both breathing harshly. He soon moved, leaning up and pulling out of Bucky who winced slightly at the movement. Bucky forced himself to sit up, making a face at how dirty and sticky he was. He glanced at Rumlow who stood and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

                Bucky stood with a little discomfort, pulling on his clothing. He felt dirty in more ways than one. He still felt worthless because, in the end, he knew Rumlow didn’t really care about him. He wasn’t ever going to love Bucky. Bucky felt tears well up in his eyes. He left the apartments without another word to Rumlow.

**_FINISH_ **

*****************************************************************

                “Rough day cap?”

                Steve looked up with glassy eyes. Sam stood beside him with a small, concerned smile. Steve swallowed, not trusting his voice, and nodded.

                Sam sighed softly, waving to the bartender. “Another one of whatever he’s drinking and something fizzy for me please. Thanks man.”

                As the bartender walked away, Sam put a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

                Steve could only nod and look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As said, this chapter contains a sex scene between Bucky and Brock. This sex scene is completely consensual, though Bucky does question himself. Bucky has sex with Rumlow because he is reminded of the feelings of worthlessness that Steve left him with after seeing Steve at a bar. He still feels worthless after this event, because Rumlow will never love him (Shown by the lack of affection and after care.) Warnings for: Name calling, roughness, no after care. 
> 
> One more chapter ya'll! Thank you for sticking by the story, I sure hope you've enjoyed it.


	10. Call me Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky finally meet face to face.

                 Bucky got to the diner ten minutes early. He looked around for Steve and, finding he wasn’t there, sat in a secluded booth in the corner of the relatively quiet diner.

                “What can I get you?” A young waitress asked with the smallest of smiles.

                “Actually, I’m waiting for someone. Mind if I order when he arrives?” Bucky asks, glancing toward the opening door which admitted a red-haired girl and a man Bucky assumes was blind.

                “No problem sugar, my name’s Anna Marie if you need anything before then.”

                “Thank you.” Bucky replies. Anna walks away to the couple that had just entered and they begin to chat like old friends.

                Bucky pulls out his phone, looking at his reflection nervously. His hair is too long, his normal scruff makes him look like a wanderer now. His plaid shirt covers most of his arm, hiding almost all of his tattoo. He doesn’t feel like himself. He feels jittery, nervous. He’s about to get up and leave when the door opens again and in comes Steve. He looks around for a few moments and then spots Bucky. Bucky can tell he’s just as nervous as Bucky is. It actually calms him down a bit.

                Steve walks over hesitantly and sits much in the same manner. They’re both quiet until Anna Marie comes back over. They order their drinks and then stare at their menus.

                “How are you?” Bucky asks, breaking the silence.

                “I–“ Steve clears his throat. “I’m okay, yourself?”

                “Can’t complain.” Bucky responds with a little shrug. “Still a pilot?”

                “I am, for a few more years. What are you doing now?”

                “I’m a private investigator. Was in the academy for a while, but the regulations weren’t for me.” Bucky says with a small chuckle. “Wanted to be in the FBI.”

                Before Steve can respond their drinks are placed in front of them and they order. After Anna Marie leaves, they’re quiet again.

                Steve clears his throat. “You look… different.”

                Bucky smiles slightly. He knows what Steve means. He’s got long hair that almost brushes his shoulders, scruff on his face he’s been meaning to shave but just can’t find the time or patience for, broader shoulders and larger arms packed with muscle for academy days. Then there’s his tattoo, that he can see Steve eyeing curiously. “Might say the same about you.”

                It’s true in a way. The beard isn’t the only thin Bucky has noticed about Steve. He seems to have put on even more muscle than before. But the thing hardest to overlook is his eyes. They don’t seem quite as bright. He looks like he’s tired, in more ways than one.

                Steve sort of smiles but doesn’t respond. An awkward silence ascends once more. Their food comes but neither man touches his plate.

                “Why?” Bucky finally asks.

                Steve swallows, Bucky can see the tears in his eyes as he tries to blink them away. “I–“ He pauses and wipes at his eyes. “I’m so sorry Bucky.” When Bucky doesn’t respond, he continues. “Back then… I was a different person. I’m not proud of who I was. I just… I was supposed to marry this girl, Peggy, when I was younger. Things fell apart, we fell apart, and then I fell apart. I lost my way after losing her. I did what I wanted, whenever I wanted, with whoever I wanted. I didn’t care who I was hurting. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

                Bucky blinks away tears of his own. “What you did changed my life. In some ways for the better, others for the not so much better. I never trusted anyone so easily again. Which… I guess is a good think. I haven’t had a relationship since. I’ve been alone. I felt… unlovable. Like I was meant to be alone. It’s not your fault. I was a kid. I should’ve realized you didn’t love me. How could you?”

                Steve is quiet for a while. “I could’ve… I still care for you. There was always something about you. Always something that made you seem different in such a good way. I couldn’t ask you to acknowledge my feelings though. Not after what I did to you. I’m sorry, I was so fucking stupid. I’m so, so sorry.”

                “You don’t have to do that Steve. Don’t tell me you care about me because you feel bad.”

                Steve shakes his head. “I’m so sorry Bucky.”

                It’s Bucky’s turn to go quiet. “I–“ He swallows. “I forgive you.”

                “Bucky please–“

                “I’ve always cared about you. I never stopped. I forgive you.”

                “You can’t–“

                “I can and I do. I forgive you. The question is do you forgive yourself?”

                Steve looks down, the guilt almost radiating off of him. “Bucky–“

                “Lets start over. Lets try again. Please?”

                Steve looks up at him. “Bucky, what I did–“

                “Is in the past. I don’t want the past. I want the present, and the future.”

                “Are you sure?”

                “If you are.”

                Steve hesitates for a few moments. He reaches his hand over the table. “My name is Steven Grant Rogers, you can call me Steve.”

                Bucky takes his hand with a smile. “James Buchanan Barnes. Call me Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to thank you all for sticking with me through this journey! I do hope you enjoyed the heartache and tears! But, really, thank you so much for reading, commenting, leaving kudos, and just supporting me through this. 
> 
> This is the only story I had planned in this "universe" of mine, but I had so much fun with it I've been contemplating continuing. I'd really love to hear feedback from you guys pertaining to that. And of course, I'd love feedback pertaining to this story! Did you hate it? Love it? Did it leave you wanting more? Did it leave you wishing for those moments of your life back? I'd love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly! Thank you guys again, I appreciate all of you so much! 
> 
> With much love and thanks, Lilly xoxo


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